Dating

9/11/14 – Dating. Man, I’ve got the whole dating thing figured out, because I’ve dated like 4 girls (Sarcasm there). This is a subject I could write about for 50 million pages, and quite frankly, it already has. Every day, there is something to be said of dating. “Nice guys finish last;” “Girls only like jerks;” “Why can’t I find a good man?” “Why are all the good ones either taken or gay?” “Get a room!” “I kissed dating goodbye” quotes; movies galore: “Pride & Prejudice,” “Titanic;” “Her;” “Marty;” “Casablanca;” “The Notebook;” among many many others. Most of the time, the movies are much of the same: Guy likes girl, girl despises guy, guy forces girl to date him anyway, after much arguing she is convinced he’s not so bad, and they fall in love. There is some variant on the setting, but by and large, that’s the thick of it. We adore these movies, then rant against them saying they’re Hollywood bologna, and we blame the media for a misguided idea. But here’s the weird thing: I’ve found that good television; as in the television we stay tuned in to watch; is actually just directors taking advantage of what we already desire. In essence, it is not Hollywood making our desires, it is ourselves with the desire, being lured by the media. And why does media keep producing the same storyline over, and over, and over, and over, and over again? Because we keep watching. In essence, what this tells me is that people, especially girls, are genuinely seeking an aggressive, assertive, (often British), attractive male husband, just like the movies! Here’s my advice. STOP IT!!

Why? This is the IDEAL man, right? So, if, by some miracle, this man shows up at your doorstep, run away. Why, you ask? Well, doesn’t it make sense that if such a man existed, that many, if not most women, would be attracted to him specifically, especially if many are complaining they can’t find a good man? If a man is this perfect, he is either acting, or desirable; neither of which is good for you.

But wait, if this is true, then wouldn’t I be settling for less than perfect, you say? Yes, yes you are settling for less than perfect. Because perfect does not exist. If your expectation is perfection, you will only be disappointed. Let’s take Pride & Prejudice for example. This theory of love does not work. Man starts off fairly shy; girls takes it as pride (I’ve not once heard a girl say a guy is prideful because he shyly refuses to dance). They talk, they argue, and the basis for the good relationship is arguing. Good communication is not indicated by how well you argue. Good communication is about listening and doing; yes there are disagreements, but I believe we have become entrapped by the notion that a relationship is only working when there is conflict. SOME disagreement is ok, but not constant conflict and tension – it is exhausting. Furthermore, when in disagreement, please, for the love of God, compromise, both of you. Back to the movie, Mr. Darcy STALKS Elizabeth. I don’t know about you, but any girl I’ve ever known would call the cops in that situation. And yet, the reaction to Mr. Darcy is all the same, “Where’s my Mr. Darcy?!?!” He is fictional. Why? Because if the perfect man existed, all of you would be screaming for him, challenging for his attention and hand in marriage, and being that he is a guy, he would likely play around for a bit and hurt many feelings before making his choice.

Now, back to my personal dating stories and advice to men: It’s ok to wait. It’s ok to wait for a girl you get to know before trying to take it too far. It’s also ok to be single. Love yourself first, and you will be happy with or without the girl. Next, don’t generalize. My main mistake is that because 2 of my ex’s were needy, all women were needy. Because one girl was materialistic, all girls were materialistic. Let me stress this: figure out what you are looking for, what bothers you in a relationship, what you know would be good for both of you? Do you want someone with similar interests who you can hang out with, or an opposite to bring new adventures? Figure these questions out first before just asking a pretty face out. Also, TALK! Be confident. I noticed a girl wearing sweatpants and a Syracuse sweater at the grocery store; I love Syracuse basketball, so I complimented her on the cuse shirt. It was genuine, and I didn’t expect her to throw her arms around me right then and there, but if she happens to appear again somewhere, I’ve already got brownie points. Be ok with just complimenting a girl without having to get her number. Trust me, the no expectation thing works wonders if they see you again; it’s like fate for them or something I guess. That said, I’m no expert, but I know I don’t want divorce, so I am very choosy when it comes to woman, and I can say there is probably only one girl I can honestly say I have a legitimate interest in right now that I could honestly say might work out. That’s not to say I won’t ever date other women; some have chased me, and I have said no before! Just simply, be yourself, but be your confident self. Too often, the “nice guys” take “be yourself” as “be your quiet self, waiting for an extroverted female species to approach you.” Actually, this did happen to me, and I learned it wasn’t for the best, at all. Mix things up. Tell the girl you want to take your day off from work to read or do something without her so you’ll have stuff to talk about with her next time.

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